Friday, June 11, 2010

Day 162- Is it a stomach bug, or is Chuck Schumer talking agin?

Dear Mr. President,

Senator Schumer has inspired me. Instead of just a tepid boycott of Arizona, let's close off the borders, (I'm sure we can get Mexico's cooperation on this from the South.) We can keep out all but the most essential medical supplies and some food. (No potato chips though, at least not until we get some heat from the international community.) We'll allow a few Arizonans out, if they need medical treatment, but they'll need to apply for permits and not be on any lists of registered voters. You see, I think their immigration law is indicative of a dangerous trend of radicalized, religiously-based extremism, and, as Sen. Schumer propses, we ought to "strangle" them, (economically, of course,) until the population can be made to see the error of their votes.

If it works in Arizona (and, I'll admit, the obesity rates might mean it will be years before the blockade has any real effects,) we can put this into use anywhere we see these dangerous trends; if Carly Fiorina wins a Senate seat, we should definitely do the same to California, though obviously the coastline will make it more difficult. What about Massachusetts? The people electing Scott Brown should definitely be punished for their poor decision making skills. If we don't really have the troops to keep these rogue states in check, or to effectively restrict travel in and out of them, maybe we could consider building a few more walls? After all, many Arizonans have family living in other states, and it's important that we make sure they don't become agents of their radical relatives.

I know many of your legislative proposals have been controversial, but I'm confident this would satisfy at least 98 members of the Senate (and John McCain really shouldn't count, anyway. He's never satisfied with sanctions, he'll be calling for a regime change.) It can even be spun as a jobs bill! Imagine all the employment opportunities for construction workers to build a wall around an entire state! I know, Arizonans might devise a tunnel system to smuggle Ensure in from Mexico, but we've got bombs for that, I'm sure. Knock down a few retirement centers, and once they realize no building materials will be forthcoming, they'll be scrambling to vote for whoever you tell them to.

Anyway, Mr. President, I'm sure that Senator Schumer will not be worried about the White House calling his words reprehensible, but you might want to reassure him, just in case.

Respectfully yours,


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